All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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