I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it penis luge time yet?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
