I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
