So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
