i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
