just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
