Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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