Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
