If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
