What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
