Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
