you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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