I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
