Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
