Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
