He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
