pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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