At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
