the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
