I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
