I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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