and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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