Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
