I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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