I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
