I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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