got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
