it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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