Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
