You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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