im drinking this country out of the recession.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
