Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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