I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
