sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
