How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
