is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
