I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
