I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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