i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
