My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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