my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
