he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
whose parrot is this?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
