He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
