Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
