no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
