Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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