....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
