we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
