i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
