I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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